I've spent the last couple of months focused more on learning and developing my media pipelines. For me, it's a great way to keep my brain from ruminating when I'm trying to solve problems. Designing systems, building applications, getting things working just the way I want. It's calming. My DMN runs wild sometimes, and making my brain stop and think through a tangle can either be daunting or enlivening. I feel accomplished when I make something.
Writing is a weird thing, though. I've got a way with words. I always have. I can sit and write a few pages of decent prose in just a few minutes. And sometimes, I feel accomplished. But sometimes, it feels like I'm slogging through a molasses swamp. It feels like such a trudge. It really depends on my brain, in the moment. If my brain is filled up with stuff it wants out, it comes out easy. But then, when that build up is gone, my brain just sorta clams up. Like, "I gave you what I had, what more do you want?" And so writing so many essays over a couple of months was a pretty big achievement for me, and then my brain said, "enough". That's when I switched tracks.
Today, I'm back to writing. At least for this note. And honestly, it's mostly to test out my new publishing pipeline. So it's not purely about things in my head I'm trying to get out. By the way, journaling is a great tool for managing anxiety, and I just posted a printable pdf with journaling prompts on every page and a few pdfs with journaling prompts that you can print onto sticky label paper and then attach them to your favorite type of journal. Why bother trying to find a good journal with prompts that fits your style when you can just use the journal you like and stick some prompts on the pages and then get to writing?
I'm also writing today to convince myself that it's not always a sludge, or drudge, or trudge. Mmmmm, fudge. I'm trying to knock down the friction between my brain and my blog. I've been posting things like the Daily Tao series, and some techniques for managing anxiety, but without context. I've learned so much, and I'm been practicing myself, and I see and feel the difference. It's time I start supplying the context and showing you how to manage your anxiety. How to quiet your crazy chaos brain. How to get the squeeze out of your chest.
I've been doing a morning routine for a couple of months, every day, and I am a completely different person. I still get anxiety, but I notice when I'm starting to spiral and I have the tools and training to stop it. I don't get as spun up as quickly as I used to, and when I do, I catch it and un-spin myself. I find my relationship with my best friend is stronger every day. I'm going to write that essay, about my morning routine. It's not the best. It may not even be good, but it's better than nothing, takes only a few minutes, and works for me. I am working on a better, more effective routine, but I'm pretty stingy with my time and a better, more effective routine sounds more time expensive to me. But, in the end, I'm doing this for us. Me and you. I'm trying to find the techniques that work best for me so I can share them with you.
Maybe I'll write two essays, one for my current routine and one for my proposed routine. And I can tell you the difference, and why I'm looking at the changes I'm looking at. And maybe that will help me decide the better direction to take. Talk it out, bitches. Right? That's what essays are for. So until then, slow down and be quiet.